we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Come on in and take your pants off
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