So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
