You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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