So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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