Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
