Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
