I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
