your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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