Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Alive.
So much puke
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
