Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
