i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
