i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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