I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
