sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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