Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
