it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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