yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
