Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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