New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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