thus making me awesome and them whores
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
