I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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