I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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