Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize