This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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