My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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