Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
