I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
