used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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