so explain again why im purple
no
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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