2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
