What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
