Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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