"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
