i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
