my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
