You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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