So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
