I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
