I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
