I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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