Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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