This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
operation have a gay friend backfired
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
