Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
