i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
