Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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