if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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