Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize