im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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