Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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