The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
