if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
