I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
