I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
