he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
