Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My breasts were aching with rage.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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