he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
