you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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