Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
