Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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