Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
