im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
