they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
