Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
