Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
