U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
