I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
