You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
