White coat. Heels.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
