Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
