You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
