i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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