I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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