It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So apparently I’m into choking now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
