i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
