Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
