Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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