You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
