I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize