i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
