Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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