well you can't waste a boner
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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