Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
