life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
