Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
