the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
