the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
