I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
