I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize