Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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