Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
