i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
