I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
