So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
