I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
