nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
