Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
