Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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