I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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