8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I have already put on my inside pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
