im gay
i know
yea but for you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
